A lot of thought and consideration has driven me to write a post about a topic that is extremely sensitive for many moms out there, myself included. Growing up my mom was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) until I was in Elementary school. When she did go back to work, it was part-time, so she was still able to get me and my brother on and off the bus until we were old enough to do it ourselves. Maybe it was my upbringing, but I had always pictured myself as a SAHM. It wasn't until recently that I decided that I had career goals outside of motherhood. Teaching was something that I had considered, but didn't take seriously until I began working for the county. I gave it about a year of thought, and decided last January to start taking classes to get my M.Ed. in Special Education. True to form, I constantly feel the "mommy guilt" so many working moms experience. Let me just tell you, it does not get any easier dropping your child off at preschool everyday. Although I have 100% trust and faith in the school we have chosen for her, I still feel like I am leaving a little bit of my heart when I drop her off in the mornings. She, however, is thrilled to see her friends and all of the fun toys that she gets to play with.
So here is where the debate begins: What's a mom to do? If she works, she is criticized for be "absent" and not raising her own child (these comments make me furious, by the way.) If she stays home, she's "giving up" her career ambitions. Clearly the working moms get more of the negative comments because they are having to sacrifice their children's well-being (allegedly), and the stay-at-home mom is selflessly giving up her career goals for the betterment of her children (allegedly). Please understand that although I do fall into the working mom camp, I do not find either of these beliefs to be true. Let's start with the stay-at-home mom camp. In today's tough economy, many moms are staying home for practical reasons. The cost of putting several children in daycare outweighs the potential income they would gain from having the mother work. Other practical reasons may include being a military wife, or having a husband with a job so demanding and time-intensive that a parent being home is a necessity. Yes, some mothers may say that they are sacrificing their career to better their children, and this may be true for them. But does that mean that a mom who works has put her child on the back burner for her own selfish reasons?
Hell no! Just like some mothers stay home for practical reasons, some mothers work for the very same practical reasons. Two incomes, even with childcare expenses, is usually financially easier for families, especially with the rising cost of healthcare. I admit that I started working for the county because of their awesome benefits. It was the best decision I ever made, because it opened my eyes to my love for education and the career that I am now working towards. Some mothers go to work because they want to set an example to their children, especially their daughters, that women can have careers and be great moms. For stay at home moms to assume that working moms are not raising their own children is as hurtful as working moms assuming that stay at home moms have it easy and get to sit at home and watch Soaps all day. Both are untrue, and both are hurtful.
With all of this being said, what's a mom to do? Well, there is no easy answer. You have to do what is best for you and your family. If that is to stay at home, then great! If it is to work, then great! Not one is better than the other, not one is more noble than the other, and not one is deserving of criticism or snide comments from other moms. Please remember this the next time you are discussing your decisions to work or stay at home. Regardless of your decisions or your reasons, moms need to support one another.
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