From the outside looking in...

"From the outside looking in, you can't understand it.  From the inside looking out, you can't explain it."  This is one of my all-time favorite quotes because it holds true for so many facets of our lives.  Motherhood happens to be one of those experiences that is misunderstood and not easily explained. I recently became a second-time mom after having my son on January 12th.  My older child just turned 4 last week.  Even I fell into the trap of thinking motherhood with a newborn would be a piece of cake.  I remember thinking when I was pregnant how nice it would be to nap with my little bundle all day while my older child attends school.  "I will get plenty of time to rest!" I thought.  I don't fault myself for having this logic, because when you think about it, I should have plenty of time between 7am and 4pm to squeeze in a nap.  Fortunately, some days I am able to, but more often than not, I spend my days at home taking care of my sweet baby who depends on me for every basic need. In fact, I am lucky if I get a shower these days.

I also remember when I was pregnant with my first child thinking that motherhood wouldn't change my lifestyle.  I was convinced my husband and I would still take weekend getaways, go out to dinner every weekend, and have an active social life.  "Babies are portable.  I will just take her with me!" Wrong.  First of all, no one can prepare you for the indescribable exhaustion that comes along with taking care of a newborn.  I don't care if you have worked night shifts, have taken care of a new puppy, or pulled all-nighters studying for finals in college because none of these is paired with the overwhelming sense of responsibility that you feel when you are caring for your own baby.  You start to nod off and you wonder, "Did he just spit up?  Is he still breathing?  Did I change his diaper already?  Was that a cough?  He feels warm.  I think he's running a fever.  Did he drink enough at this feeding?  Was his diaper wet at the last change?"  The worry that you feel for your baby does ease some as they get older and more independent, but it never goes away.  My mom tells me to this day she still worries about my brother and me.  It is a sacred responsibility that simply can't be understood unless you have lived it.

This brings me to my point for writing today.  Clearly I haven't blogged in well over a year, but I felt compelled to get a message across.  Whether you are an expecting mom, new mom, veteran mom, or not a mom at all, let me ask one thing of you:  cut your mom friends a bit of slack.  If they are decent human beings (which I am sure they are), they are doing the best damn job they can.  They may make decisions you don't understand or agree with.  They may have a different parenting style than you.  They may be a bit absent as a friend.  Don't take any of these things personally.  Their different parenting style does not mean they don't agree with yours.  The fact that they haven't called you in weeks is not a personal attack on you or your friendship.  They love you, but they love their family first.  Respect them for that, or let them be.  With all of the stress that moms deal with everyday, an understanding friend is what they need most.